Warning: rambling vent below

Do you ever feel like every single little thing in life is a struggle? I've been feeling like that a lot lately.

Like yesterday.

I slept like crap, as usual, and was exhausted by 7:00 in the morning. I had an awful headache that wouldn't go away. My computer at work died. For the third time. The Smartboard (AKA Dumbboard) wouldn't turn off. The kids were rotten and whiny and wouldn't stop talking. Parents are emailing me and condescendingly letting me know every single mistake I've supposedly made with their little angel's grade. Our county string teachers' meeting got canceled but no one felt the need to inform me of that. My AP was extremely unprofessional to a student in front of me. I had a BAJILLION things to do and didn't get half of them done because I had eight kids in lunch detention. And three, THREE people cut in front of me at the gas station. THREE. So I just decided I'd go home and get gas tomorrow. And then I got behind someone going ten miles per hour BELOW the speed limit. Those people should not be allowed to drive.

Why does it seem like some people have it so easy and I struggle just to get through a day?

I'm just restless and anxious and tense. And for once, I just want everyone to stop trying to FIX me, and just give me a freaking hug and remind me that stuff will be better tomorrow.

I need to move out. I love my parents, but I don't love living at home. It's such a contradiction...working like an adult and being treated like a child. How frustrating.

But...something that helps is...

He knoweth our frame, he remembereth that we are dust...

Sometimes I get frustrated with God. Like why doesn't he just stop the stupid stuff that happens to me ALL THE TIME??? But it IS nice to know that Jesus had to go through all of this, and he really does get it. Even if no one else does. And he understands that I'm just a girl that gets frustrated sometimes, cries a lot, and then gets up to keep plugging through it. Because I'm not a quitter. I can't be...I have too much self-respect I guess. But sometimes I really want to. I like teaching, it's the babysitting that gets to me. The kids who won't shut their mouths long enough to learn anything.

*sigh*

It's frustrating. If I didn't love music and believe in the good it does for kids so much, I'd go be a performer. But I can't help it...I love teaching orchestra. Maybe someday I'll have a job where I don't teach general music. That would be cool.

I'll try to post something happy tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm going to go brainstorm ways to get kids to listen. Ideas?


Leah