Warning: Woman with Security Issues (wait . . . that's all of us)

I'm reading a book called "Be Confident in your Creation," by Nathan D. Thomas. It's basically about how we should be confident in our lives and who we are because that's when God can use us the best. I'm really enjoying it and I feel like I've learned a lot.

 

The subtitle of the book is "Rejoice in Who You Are." Now, I freely admit that I've always had trouble with that. I've always seen myself as too skinny, too tall, too nerdy, too outspoken . . . you name it. I mean, my sisters were the pretty girls, Abbie always makes people laugh, and people gravitate to her. Especially kids. Deborah is everyone's helper; the dependable one who always gives good advice. I'm just the musician. Great. That's helpful. Super spiritual there. But all through this book he's talking about rejoicing in who you are, and it's been a real challenge to me. At the end, he says at one point, "You are who you are and that is exactly what God wants you to be." When I read that it was like God took me by the shoulders and shook me awake. My first thought was, "Really?" And just as clearly as if he said it out loud, he answered me, "REALLY!"  But all my life I've heard people say things like, "God loves you too much to leave you the way you are," and somehow that translated in my mind as, "God doesn't like me the way I am, so he's going to change me until I'm good enough." I know that sounds stupid but that's really the way I've subconsciously thought all this time. No wonder my self-esteem sucks. So I pretend that I never have days where I feel completely insecure about basically everything, and people think I'm super confident. Add that to my list of screw-ups. But he's saying that God wants me to be me. Not the fake-confident me, but the real me. Obviously I should choose not to sin. That'd be great. But even when I screw up (which is often) he still likes me. He likes me.

 

Even after reading that and thinking about it, it's hard to believe it. I mean, GOD, as in perfectly holy and righteous and true and all that, is really ok with me, the girl who has world-class PMS, attitude problems, and sometimes acts like a really pathetic excuse for a Christian? He likes me?  He wants me to be me? It sounds kind of too good to be true. Like yeah right, God. Funny. But there's a part of me that thinks it is true. I mean, he did make me like this. It's not like he ever screws up.

So I'm still sort of processing it and thinking about it. I'll let you know if I decide anything:)

Leah